Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
