I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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