Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
