a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
