You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
