I wish my penis had an off switch
so explain again why im purple
no
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I would fuck him just for his dog
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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