So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
