i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
