i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
