i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you will always have a special place in my vag
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
