I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Randomize
