you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
