last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
