Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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