its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
your like the ambassador to my penis.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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