Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
