So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
