Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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