he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
