I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
