marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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