Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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