I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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