woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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