You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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