How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
