Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
