just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
