I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
