oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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