lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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