Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
