Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Actions speak louder than pants.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
