so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
