I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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