Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
