I need help removing her.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
