I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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