I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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