I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
