There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
