Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
