Pants 0. Shit 1.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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