Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
