found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
