I checked into jail on foursquare
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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