I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
