I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
