Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
