Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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