some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
